I Was a Subatomic Particle

 Clara: Mark! I had a dream last night that I was a subatomic particle, and every time someone looked at me, I changed my outfit!

Mark: That’s… actually a decent analogy for the observer effect in quantum mechanics.

Clara: I KNOW! I think I’m secretly a quantum entity.

Mark: No, Clara, you’re a human.

Clara: But what if I’m not? What if I only exist when someone perceives me? Maybe when you leave the room, I just—poof!—vanish into the void!

Mark: That’s solipsism, not physics.

Clara: So what you’re saying is… I need more witnesses to confirm my existence.

Mark: No, that’s not what I—

Clara: Time to hire an entourage! I’ll call them The Clara Verification Squad!

Mark: …Please don’t.

Clara: TOO LATE! I just texted 17 people. I told them to watch me at all times so I don’t quantum-fluctuate into oblivion.

Mark: Deep sigh. You do realize that’s not how reality works, right?

Clara: Is it though? Is it REALLY? Because last night I also dreamt that I was a donut, and when I woke up, my pillow was missing. EXPLAIN THAT, SCIENCE MAN!

Mark: I’m guessing you ate it in your sleep.

Clara: …Okay, that actually makes a lot of sense.

Mark: Finally!

Clara: OR the pillow got sucked into a micro-wormhole and is now in another dimension where sentient furniture rules the land.

Mark: And I’m back to needing coffee.

Clara: Make mine a double with extra reality distortion!

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